There is a woman in my life ( a dear friend of my family) that I have heard on occasion tell me and others that if there was someone who had an excuse to no longer live the gospel and walk away it would be me and my siblings. I know that she is praising us and trying to tell us that she is impressed with our decisions. And yet I can't help but see it differently. For those of you who may not know I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (aka Mormon). It is deeply ingrained into who I am. Some back story is that my Mom died when I was 14 years old. She had joined the church 2 years before I was born. My Mom had some rough patches in the beginning and eventually came to a point that I knew of active involvement in our church. My Dad made it a point to never keep us from church and at the same time regularly questioned our belief. I feel that he did this simply to make sure that we were not simply mindlessly following a path because our Mom did or because that is where our friends were. We always had an easy out if we wanted it. Maybe that is what this dear friend of that family meant. We never would have been told that we were wrong for leaving.
I have at regular intervals in my life had to stop and reflect of my membership and really my philosophy on life and try to know if deep down I still "believe". I can honestly say that belief has never been my issue. Always doing the daily things I should do like praying and reading my scriptures admittedly not as well as I would like. I try to be a decent person and hope that I somehow can make a difference. I am not perfect and even more admittedly not always kind. I struggle with pride and vanity as much as the next.
I have had great examples in my life. The Home Teachers who came monthly and built relationships with my family. The Bishops who were there ready to help at any given moment. Young Women leaders who were there to let me cry on their shoulder because I missed my mom so. Dear Friends of the family who never forgot us and still are actively apart of our lives. Family who has been there ready to help lift each other up. Random people on airplanes and people who I have run across on my walks. School teachers and counselors.
Experiences are also a factor. You can take two people and they can have the same stuff happen to them but how they experience it is different. How they feel about it will be different. And some times they will come away with the same outcome and sometimes very different outcomes. I can't help but feel that maybe we had less of a reason to leave the church. It was always our choice. It was something that helped us deal with our mothers death and gave us hope for a chance to be with her again. We could have been angry I guess, not sure that we haven't all been angry at one point or another about our mom no longer being on this Earth. But we had hope. We had each other. And we had a love for a Heavenly Father who I know for my part always knowing that he loves me. When I make a mistake or not he still loves me. I have learned that I do not have to be perfect, I only have to strive to do my best and to learn and grow daily in my life. Allowing the master to shape me into the Woman he desires me to be. My church encourages personal growth and revelation. I have felt the Saviors hand in my life.
I love this friend and if she is reading this I want to tell her how thankful I am for her and her family and for them being there for me and my siblings. She has made a difference in our lives. My nieces, nephews, children, siblings, husband and I have always felt loved by her. I know we are better people for having her in our lives. Thank you.
